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i like men's clothes.

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i have trouble falling asleep... lately i've been having very broken sleep, so much that i really believed my dream was real. i had to check the time and date to remember it wasn't.

and for the last couple of weeks, i've been running from people. i don't know why i'm running... but i have to run. i don't like being chased in my dreams... heck.. i don't like being chased in RL (that's 'real life', folks).

but my reoccurring dream.. nightmare... is ... abstract. 
it's made of feelings more than it is anything i can touch/hold.

so it's something like this: 
i'm in a black empty space. i'm not really standing on anything.. just an invisible plane.
i see a cube. curious, i go to grab it. and as i do that.. i either shrink smaller, or the cube gets way too big for me to reach. like Alice in Wonderland.
sometimes, i want to climb it, but i slip.. and the cube was tiny, all along.

there are spheres, too. and it's just the same idea - perception is everchanging. 
sometimes i get sucked in, i fall in between the cracks, or inside the ball, and the ball shrinks.
i'm suffocated.

this dream makes me scared.
i'm confused - why are the shapes small when i could swear it was taller than myself? am i being lied to?
everytime i try to do something, i fail.
it doesn't bother me that i'm alone.
what bothers me is that everything i do is... useless. but i can't stop.

chasing & running.

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 [above] long & i

 [above] albert

 [above] andrew, albert, vic, benny, long

 [above] twisting landscape... what a pretty moon

 [above] thunderstorm at night, after a 40C degree day

how did you celebrate your national day?

i prefer to stay away from public events to avoid racist dickheads.

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Les Amants (Cascade)

Les Amants (Promenade)

Les Amants (Jetée)

Noemi Goudal

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dreamxreality matrix

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Summer, and Uneven

still loving that the lotus is on kabs & M

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my favourite thing about Chinese New Year is the tradition of having and wearing new clothes for the 'new year'.. like a refreshing start.
since i've been broke, i saved up my cheap steals from Malaysia and sale items at home.

latest outfits:

Chinese New Year Eve (going to gran's house)

and Chinese New Year (brekky & shopping with Wat)

and my New Year evening outfit

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there's a blood family, a legal family, and a family you choose.

too often, i give my blood family too much credit... i do try to do my best as much as i can... and let's be honest, i'm not feeling much love back.

the family i choose happens to be a group of people that seemingly appreciates me more than i expect. they are respectful, appreciative, and check up on me... despite whatever it is that life is handing them.

how do you meet someone's expectations of an ideal family.. when they aren't meeting their own?

perhaps i just care too much.
and it's hard to just cut that off.
not caring about what people think, what people say, and what people do.

but you know what? it's mind over matter.

so fuck it.

so fuck it.

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this is what i've been doing today. i'm adding watercolour paints to my wishlist wheeee~

there's a nasty little speck in all my photos. but i can't seem to get the camera clean!

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so i've said i wanted to start taking more outfit posts... here's my latest (:

DIY with a peter pan collar

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i've kinda just finished doing my latest piece - Butterfree (Freehand Kaleidoscope)
and made a mess. on myself and my couch -_-"

it took a few more days longer than expected, but has turned out beautifully..

unprimed MDF, lead pencil, spray paint, coloured pencils, watercolour, ink.

44.5 x 30 x 0.6cm

for sale $50.

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just had a lovely chat with a few of my favourite boys this week...
i love you all so much.
thank you for trying to show me how much i mean to you, and how much more i should see myself.
pauly v, long, wat,
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health checkup - doc says i'm good for my next surgery.. and should be booked in, around March.
going stronger in physio.. good sign.

shooting in no time!

here's one i did with kabs not long ago...


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hot pink nails, still in my PJs, and balayage 

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i was thinking about guys that used to like me...
and how, after they knew that i wasn't interested in them... 
they stopped talking.

is that rude?
i feel so ... played.

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also a BIG FAT
to my little bro, ben.

if you haven't seen his stuff yet, check it out

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[above] kabs & jussy at the dining table

 [above] roasted carbs! YUM

 [above] spagbol, and ice magic & ice cream for dessert.

 [above] us girls (including lexie)

 [above] the girls <3

 [above] a little elephant from M, that travelled from Thailand

 [above] a little red nail polish from starfish, from her China & Philippines trip

 [above] another little (colourful, but you can't tell) cutie from M

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celebrating birthdays and christmas since 2000 with this babes.
yikes. that's been a while. i feel the old creeping into my skin.

couldn't be blessed with more beautiful ladies in my life.

2012 will be a little tough, moving around.
but reunions will be so exciting!

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